Nonviolent Communication, also called The
Language of Life or Compassionate Communication it is a language that teach us
Radical Responsibility. It is like a wonderful 4-steps dance: step-one-observing-the-situation,
step-two-expressing-the-need, step-three-assuming-the-responsibility-for-our-feelings,
step-four-making-a-request.
As any language, has a Grammar. It is a
very simple grammar, with just few rules. And the most important one is to
assume the responsibility for our own needs.
Examples:
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Grammatically incorrect
(denying responsibilities)
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I am feeling sad because
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We attribute the cause of our feelings to
others.
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Grammatically correct
(assuming responsibilities)
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I am feeling sad because I (have a need that is not fulfilled).
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We are aware that the cause or our
feelings are our own needs (fulfilled or un fulfilled).
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Even there are just few rules, this doesn`t
mean that is simple to learn and apply. It requires a lot of practice.
Here is one of the most powerful exercises
I came across with it while I was studying Compassionate Communication:
Take a sheet of paper. Think about all the
activities that you do and you hate to do it.
Write them down in the middle of the sheet. Let some space before the activities
and more space after them.
Then, look at the list and then, for every
activity write down:
I choose to do ........... (activity in
your list) because I need
.............................. (your need )
It may be that you will find hard to write
down that you choose to do some of that tasks. Don`t give up. It is a process. So,
go back and complete the sentence:
I
choose to do.................. because I need..............................
The result can be astonishing.
Last time when I did this exercise, I was applying
it to a situation that was less than enjoyable for me. I was feeling miserable
and I was partially playing what Marshall Rosenberg use to call in his
inimitable way PPPPPT – he said that
this is the clinically terminology for Pretty
Poor Protoplasm Poorly Put Together.
So, I had taken a piece of paper and I
wrote down:
I choose (it was not so hard for me to
admit that it was my choice, because I practice a lot this exercise)....
.... I chose to stay in this situation because
I need.... because I needed a place to feel at home.
Then, everything became clear to me. I was
not feeling at home anyway. Staying in that situation, it was not a need but a
strategy. A dysfunctional one which was not meeting my need. So, I changed the
strategy – I changed the place. And it
worked!
If this looks to simple to work, give it a
try, anyway. You may be surprised.
And I would like to have some feedback
about the results!
